Co-sleeping is a wonderful, wonderful thing.  It’s a decision I never really anticipated making, but now that I’ve experienced it with my oldest, I hope I get to experience with every other child I end up having.  But as with all great things, at some point you realize it’s time for a transition.  Whether it’s overcrowding, time to welcome a new baby, or just the right time for your toddler, you will most likely need to figure out how to get them into their own bed…in their own bedroom. 

Related Post: 12 Ways to Make Co-Sleeping Safer

So how do you do that?  Or, as so many like to point out, are you destined to sleep with your child until they leave for college?  Hardly.  

My husband and I co-slept with our son until he was 2 and then began the transitioning process.  And believe it or not, it was way easier than we thought!  Just like with breastfeeding, the transition seemed to be 1000 times easier for my toddler than for me…which was a relief because I ended up being the only one that needed to cry-it-out. 🙂

Obviously every child (and parent) is different, so some tips may work better than others, but this is what worked for us.  And as I said, we were able to pull it off without any crying-it-out (at least from the toddler).

Transitioning a co-sleeping toddler to their own bedroom can seem like an impossible task, but it's easier than you think and it WILL happen. Here are some tips to help!

 

Think About Weaning

I’m a huge fan of breastfeeding, so I’m not suggesting that you stop breastfeeding before you’re ready (I breastfed my son for about 22 months).  But I will tell you that life will be a whole lot harder for both of you if you attempt to transition a co-sleeper while also breastfeeding them. So it might be better to wait to transition until you are ready to wean.  This will make it much easier for your toddler to sleep through the night and is the first big step towards them falling asleep without having to be physically attached to you.

Related post: 10 Things I Didn’t Know About Weaning a Toddler

 

Get Them Used to Sleeping Alone in Your Room

Before you get them in their own bedroom (or even in their own bed), there are a few different steps that you can take to prepare them for the transition.  The first is to get them used to sleeping alone in your room (or wherever they’re used to sleeping).  So after you’ve got them to sleep, leave the room!  Let them experience waking up alone.  Don’t stay with them for nap times. Do everything you can to let them build some independence in the environment they’re used to before exposing them to something totally new.

 

Get Them Used to Falling Asleep without Cuddling

Once they can sleep alone in your room, start to physically distance yourself a bit.  I still stayed next to my son, but I stopped cuddling.  At first I just got him used to me having my back turned and then I would only sit in bed.  Eventually we moved to holding hands and before long, he could just roll over on his own and fall asleep.

 

Make It Exciting

Now for the fun (and terrifying) part!  Getting them into their own room.  My biggest advice here is to make it really, really exciting…irresistible even. I’m sure if you’re really creative, you can easily do this without spending a penny, but for us it helped to indulge a bit.  We timed his transition around his second birthday, so we used that opportunity to add a few new items to his room:

  • A themed toddler bed.  My son was obsessed with Mickey Mouse and we found a pretty cheap toddler bed online that incorporated a crib mattress that we already had.  We got some fun Mickey Mouse sheets to go with it and bam!! It was a huge success!  He was soooo excited to sleep in his very own big boy bed.
  • A star machine.  My son got a star machine as a gift and it was a huge hit!  It only works in the dark (perfect) and we only kept it in his room, which made his bedroom that much more exciting.  This became one of his favorite bedtime routines.  He would literally jump right into bed knowing the star machine was coming.
  • New stuffed animals.  We didn’t actually need to buy new stuffed animals, but we reintroduced them as if they were new.  One thing that happens with most co-sleepers is they never really get attached to their stuffed animals – because they’re attached to you!  So we started putting his favorite stuffed animals in bed with him and voila! It was another exciting element to sleeping in the new big boy bed.  

 

Start with Nap Times

Every transition I’ve ever had to do has always been easiest when I started with nap times.  They’re so much more tired that they fall asleep way easier (and quicker) and I was always less likely to be tired on my own.  This was no different.  I started with nap times and before long, he was comfortable in his new bedroom, which made nighttime transitions much easier.  

 

Incorporate Fun New Things to the Routine

Another thing that often happens with co-sleeping is that you have far less steps in the bedtime routine than non co-sleepers tend to have.  You just don’t need it.  They’re fine just sleeping next to you.  So now it’s time to make sleeping in their own room seem totally fun and exciting.  As I said, one of our new routines was using the star machine and looking at all the stars on the ceiling.  We also added reading books, singing songs, and a little cuddling (I know I told you to stop that!! More on that below…).  Anything you think will work, give it a try!

 

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

This is more of a warning than a tip. Be prepared to have bad days, regress a bit, or reintroduce things you thought you were done with.  What’s most important is that you’re making progress in the right direction.  We were in a great routine of my son sleeping alone in our room, but when we moved him to his own room it shook things up quite a bit.  He was excited, but it was still a lot.  So we brought the cuddling back and spent a little more time together.  But once he was comfortable again, we slowly pulled that back again.  This isn’t a race, so plan on giving your toddler some time to adjust.  Often one step back enables you to take two steps forward!

 

Follow Their Queues

The reality is that your toddler is most likely more ready for this transition than you are…so follow their lead when you can!  When I brought the cuddling back, I was constantly trying to pull away to get back to our non-cuddling routine.  But he would just cling tighter and tighter to me.  Finally one day I was so tired I just said “Fine, we’ll cuddle as long as you want.”  Guess what happened.  30 seconds after I would have attempted to pull away, he pulled away on his own.  Giving him a little control over the situation was all I needed.  One day a few weeks ago, he looked at me during nap time and waved goodbye.  He wanted me to leave!  So I left the room and 5 minutes later he had fallen asleep on his own.

 

Let Them Back in Your Room, But Not Your Bed

During this transition we had many nights that were just too tough to push through.  Either my toddler wasn’t feeling good or I was just too tired to soothe him back to sleep in the middle of the night.  I was too afraid to bring him right back to our bed, but I just couldn’t handle sleeping on the floor anymore.  So we came up with a great compromise.  We would let him come back to our room, but he wasn’t allowed in our bed.  We got an amazing toddler air mattress that we put next to our bed and he could sleep on that if he had to.  It was close enough that we could hold hands, but my husband and I still had our bed to ourselves.  I told my son before we went upstairs that he could only go to our room if he slept in the air mattress and that was good enough for him!

 

Be Patient

For the most part, co-sleeping parents are naturally patient people (at least with their kids!).  We’ve let our kids take their time, avoided crying-it-out, and made unbelievable sacrifices to our own schedule to make sure our little guys are comfortable.  So this transition is no different.  Give it time and it will be well worth it!  We made a few different efforts along the way to get our son into a crib and they never worked.  He just wasn’t ready.  If your toddler is scared or freaking out, then try to give them more time!  It won’t be long before they truly are ready.  When all was said and done, it took less than a week to get my son consistently falling asleep in his bed, but about 6 months before he was sleeping through the night alone in his room.  This may seem long to a lot of people, but we managed to avoid crying-it-out and no one was pushed farther than they could go.  It worked for us!

 

Good luck with the transition!  Let me know if you had any other tricks to get your own kids transitioned to their own rooms!

 

Transitioning a co-sleeping toddler to their own bedroom can seem like an impossible task, but it's easier than you think and it WILL happen. Here are some tips to help!

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9 comments on “10 Tips for Transitioning a Co-Sleeping Toddler to Their Own Bedroom”

  1. I have one question, what do you do when your LO wakes up in the middle of the night and starts crying… it breaks my heart to just let him cry in there all by himself. 😔Thank you for your post, this is exactly what I’ve been looking for!

    • I go into his room and sit with him until he falls asleep again. If I get there quickly, its often only a few minutes. I won’t lie, this was a big pain in the butt, BUT they will get better and better at sleeping through the night. It just takes time!

  2. Great post. Baby is 23 months, and we were co sleeping, for the past few months he’s been sleeping in his own bed but he only falls asleep if we cuddle with him (in his toddler bed). If I try just sitting next to him while holding his hand or rubbing his back, he gets hurt feeling and begs me to cuddle, says please, asks why, etc. How can I explain to him why he needs to sleep alone?

    • This was a really hard transition for us too. You can try explaining but if they’re not old enough to really reason with then an explanation might not do the trick. What I ended up doing was very gradually shifting away from cuddling. The first and biggest step for me was laying with my back to him instead of face-to-face. Doing that still gave him the feeling of me being there, but it was definitely a step away from cuddling. From there, I literally shifted down the bed, lol. I went from having my head on his pillow (but with my back to him) down to his stomach so that I was basically half off the bed. Eventually I was then able to just have my arm heavily laying on him and then from there we held hands. And NOW he doesn’t even need hands. If you don’t want to go that route, then you may want to try distraction methods to keep him happy and the process fun – reading books, singing songs, star lamps, etc. Don’t worry though, I promise this will happen eventually!! Good luck 🙂

  3. Manuela @mrhatler

    my son is 6, yes I know and we tried several times to put him in his own room with no luck. After reading you Blog post I will attempt it again because I really want my bed back 🙁 I had all my kids in my bed but he is the most stubborn one, if we leave him alone in our room he will wake up within one our screaming like he has just been stabbed. I don’t understand.

  4. Thank you so much for writing this post! My daughter is 19 Months and had been cosleeping until last Month, I just started with the toddler bed next to my bed and I am hoping to transition her to her bedroom before she turns 2. Cosleeping with her was the best decision we ever made I loved every second of it, I feel it created a bigger bond. Thank you again for the post and I will be trying your advice soon.

  5. Without knowing it I tried all of this like over 3 years ago (my daughter is now 5 & unfortunately still sleeps with me) but they did not work. Any suggestions how I can get a kindergartner to sleep in her bed in her own room all night? Might be worth my while I suppose to try a single size air mattress, huh? She says the reason she can’t sleep in her bed is I’m not there with her. I usually stay till asleep but two hours later (I’m guessing) she’s in my bed. Sigh. I just want my bed to myself finally! Will she grow out of this? If so, when could that be? Help!

    • I would definitely give the air mattress a try! I know it seems like you’re just avoiding the problem, but it works so well for us when he wants to be in our room. It’s a great way to transition her too! My son is still a bit young for this, but I’ve read a lot of success stories with 4 and 5 year olds that have used reward systems. A sticker for every night she stays in her room and a prize for every 10 stickers (or whatever else you can come up with!). I really think the key is just to get them to try it out and then they will just start to like it. She WON’T be in your room forever though 🙂 so before you know it you’ll probably be missing these days!

  6. I love this post! We started cosleeping as a survival mechanism in those first few weeks. My daughter is 17 months and still in our bed, and we all, surprisingly, love it. Eventually we will be ready for her to transition to her own bed, so I’m saving these tips for then. Thanks so much!

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